such a faggot.

I logged on her to bitch and moan and then I was reminded of the devastation in Japan. Does that really change anything? I still feel miserable, if not worse and a wide scale catastrophe doesn't really mean anything when millions are struggling to live day to day.
But seriously, what is the point of life? We are all just consuming and very few of us have anything to contribute, yet we continue procreating. It's stupid.

I went to the campus to do chem and pre-calc work because my sister faked sick to skip work for some reason. I get to the campus and open the solution manual for pre-calc to find out where I went wrong and the solution they provide is just the graph in the function. The same graph in the back of my book. The limited information they do impart is implied from the function and it wasn't the way we were instructed to do these problems. SO waaah. I can't do my werk!

So I close that and move on the practice Chem test and only manage to do 2 of the 9 problems. I did the homework for Chapter 3 and a quarter of the next, but completely blanked on the material. So I open the text and begin doing problems from that again and I am just in a mental fog. Not to mention I cannot focus because there is a lot of conversation going on around me... and I don't know I wasn't focused and the room was not conducive to studying/learning. So I moved around trying to isolate myself from the noise, in doing so I changed position from facing east in the room to facing west and who should be there on the extreme west side of the room? Nicole. At this point, I just pack up and leave. I doubt anything would have happened, but it was just one more distraction.

Come home, eat, wait around try and figure out reps and set ranges and what to do. Come across this Dan John article about this wrestling coach named Gable, moral of the story if you want something go out and do it. Ad nauseum, this message has been repeated continually in my life the past few weeks. Not sure what it means, maybe it's directed to someone else because I am just fucking drifting aimlessly and unsure of what to being repping out in to gain experience. Anyway, rather than doing strictly squats as I had planned, I added back again, just rehabbing my scapula daily essentially to get over this bullshit so I can do other lifts again.
I really want to try Oly lifting, but desire to correct all my postural imbalances first and I think the first is the scapula and eliminating the computer. Or paring it down to 20-60 minutes daily (possible?) so I am less inclined to become relaxed in these slouched positions I find myself in so frequently.

Anyway get to the squats... I guess I had lost motivation or just wasn't there, but fuck. I was drilling in perfect form and just got stuck with a 45 for the day, I guess I am stiff or something maybe I just want to make excuses for my weakness today. But I did like 4 or 5 sets of 10 at 45 focusing on the timing 3 down, 1 up. Super unimpressive. SO hooray for me.

what the fuck am I doing?