Her: Hey

Me: Hi

Her: I felt like last night made you upset... I apologize if I did.
And I've been thinking that maybe us meeting tomorrow isn't such a good idea... I would have to lie to Josh and I don't want to do anymore of that. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry...
I feel terrible.. Especially for the way things have turned out to
be... It sucks... Everything was my fault I had to go and ruin a
perfectly fine friendship with sex... I'm so so sorry. I hope
you can forgive me.

I might be able to meet... I 'm going to ask Josh I'll let you know by tomorrow.

Me: In your absence I have given myself an honest appraisal and accepted the fact that I have feelings for you, despite the repeated denials to myself and others. Considering that if I felt nothing, there would be no reason for me to continually revisit and travail these unpleasantries searching for a way we could remain friends when it is evident we cannot. It was a foolish belief, but I held out hope that we could remain friends somehow. Yet, no matter how many times I work through it in my mind, I am always left with the same conclusion, a comfortless and incontrovertible actualization that we cannot keep this friendship afloat. I trust you will agree that we are symbiotic in nature and provide each other distractions from our own dysfunctions. Therefore, it stands to reason that, if you are to remain married I cannot be present in your life.

While I am truly appreciative of all we shared, regardless of morality and monogamy, I am unable to determine where I am expected to fit in your life. As I do not wish to remain ignorant to the implications of these feelings simply because I do not agree with what they indicate and continuing to allow their impedance of rational thought via repression and denial for the sake of feigning friendship is self betrayal. I refuse to perpetually reside in this vague territory of emotional distress and sexual tension. Even if these feelings were null and void and nothing had ever transpired between us, I would still be damned and demonized while you are simultaneously scrutinized to allay his insecurities.

Given our most recent communications you are concentrating on repairing your relationship with Josh. As such, I hope you are able to reconnect and enjoy a marital renaissance. I assure you this letter is not resultant of our transgressions, so please do not blame yourself. It was composed for guidance as you plot your priorities.

I hope my absence make you well.